Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
