i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
