My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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