Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sobbing to NWA
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
