that's an acceptable place to lick
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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