I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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