worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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