Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
