I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
