Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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