I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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