I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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