it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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