she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
