you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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