my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
