In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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