shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
