Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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