Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
