3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
