I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
