You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
