I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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