Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Shame - the story of my life.
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