remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
