Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he fucked my hip out of place.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
