you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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