So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
