I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
