Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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