What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
