So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
