i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
