Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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