You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
