I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
