dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
