You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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