The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
