You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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