Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
