You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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