if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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