that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think my vagina is haunted
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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