The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
