Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
