He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
