On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
