you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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