u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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