Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
